i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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