I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
