Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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