he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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