please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
