Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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