I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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