Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
