Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
