What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
