i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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