you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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