"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
