you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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