Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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