WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
