u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
