i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
