well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
