there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
