I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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