I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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