Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
