Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
