I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
