Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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