I wish my penis had an off switch
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
