Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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