i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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