I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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