I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
