I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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