then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
