4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
