There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you win again, gameday.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
