Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
