I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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