Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
