I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
