Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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