When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
