its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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