She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
