i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
