I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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