His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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