it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
