anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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