Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
