They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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