The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
